Game On!

Be a Sport

 

He spits a lot of game. On punt return, he scores a touch down from the bar to his home.  Everything boils down to sports. His home is like a locker room.


Ian from Greenwich describes his place, “there’s bikes, skis, golf clubs, motorcycles, quads, camping gear, softball equipment, beer drinking accessories and surf boards scattered throughout the apt and garage.”

 

She may act like a good sport, come morning when she wakes up to sports center and evaluates your place.  The equipment is one things but ticket stubs, jerseys, banners blow up the wall. There’s not question a Michigan Wolverine or Giants football fan. 

 

I know a little something about sports, cowboy. This isn’t my first rodeo. So hold onto your seat this will probably take more than eight-seconds to explain.

 

The locker-room look has the same effect as when it’s the door in her gym. Do not enter for woman is written all over the space. In a match up against sports-nut, a girl knows she can not compete.

 

The only way to even the playing field is to reduce your fanaticism by having a couple key players sit the home-game out. Find room to store your equipment, like a closet or a garage. Pick up the team jersey from the floor and put it in a dresser, rather than decorative statement hanging by nails on the wall.

 

Game on guy, to land a lady, you’ve got to be a sport!

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Make Way For The Bad Boy….

The Bachelor's Bible 

Make Way For The Bad Boy

 

Long before there was Tony Robbins packing 10-thousand seat seminars as a life coach, there was Tony Montana. His word became gospel in 1983; Scarface a philosophical bible to bachelors everywhere.

 

Just as Buddhists have their statues and Christians have their cross, Singletons have their posters. Belief in the three-tier credo, “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women,” is on display either on the living room or bedroom wall.

 

This poster-child doesn’t limit his wall décor to Scarface. He incorporates the black and white grainy into a man themed collection of playboy babes and sports roll models all in glossy 72” x 24” squares on display.

 

I always tell the truth even when I lie.  You won’t get the girl even with the money if you live like this.  Posters all over your house are more hokey then hustler. Hot-chicks hanging in the living room won’t get any girls into your bedroom. Pictures Air-Jordan on the jump or Tiger Woods once you’re finally in the bedroom are bromantic, suggesting you’ve got sights on more than woman in sexual relationships.

 

Wall art is for more than idolizing your demy-gods. Take advantage of your wall space to make a statement about who you are. If you have a hobby or passions consider framed pictures in collections of three. This could range from black white photographs of the city to vintage automobiles.  To add color, modern art on big canvasses makes a contemporary statement and takes up considerable wall space. Mirrors are also essential element to wall hangings. Nicely framed and in proportion, they can redefine a living space.

 

Once you decide on the hangings it is important to find the center focal point and work the lay out from there. To hang groups of small pictures, keep the spacing even and consistent. Patterns make a nice statement but should have a rhyme and reason.  Over a sofa, chair or desk, keep art close enough to the item to retain good visual contact. The picture will not look good if it seems to float above the furnishings.

 

You get the picture, then you get the women! Capesh?

 

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The Electric Company

Mantronics & CompanyThe Electric Company

It is sweet revenge for closet nerds and those who proudly earned the title in high school, college and the work place.   The gadget geek is surrounded by high-speed internet, a high definition wide screen television that needless to say has a home audio component that spins its way through a web of co-axel cables connecting the ipod, blackberry, and gaming machine.

John from Boston is one of those guys, “You know a bachelor is serious about relaxing when he invests in the universal remote control.  One touch fly-by-wire couch surfing.”

From the camera rigged to the door-knocker for security purposes, a flashing icon on the laptop can alert that a girl is coming from a mile away. This guy should surface clean the joint but instead he procrasterbates. Jason from Darien explains this as looking at internet porn and not making up your mind.

 

With all these mantronics, the temperature at the bachelor pad is way over one-hundred degrees. It is like the engine room in a submarine. Hot and bothered perhaps, he doesn’t e even notice she forcefully let herself in. Submerged, we will call it in the x-rated or a pg-13 match, jdate or eharmony.

An eye on the laptop and the other on the TV, he uploads biographical information. On the one hand, he’s witty, confident, fun loving and desperate for a first date. On the other hand, he’s down to earth, romantic and the outdoorsy kind who nature walks. Or last but not least is the one he ponders deeply then deletes. He’s open, honest and loyal, and looking for a true soul mate.

 

 

Since he’s blinded by everything but love, he doesn’t realize she’s standing over his shoulder and down at the laptop by now. This relationship for her has hit information overload.

 

 

Take yourself back to the pre-techie 1970s when the Electronic Company in your living room was childish educational t.v. Hopefully you are still impressionable for one last lesson less maybe more when it come to electronics and inviting a girl to your house!  

The Green Party

The Green Party

Going GreenMr. Green has enough talent in his thumb to harvest the surrounding acres of little house on the prairie. Rather then use these talents to fight third world hunger; he’s taken on the war on drugs. Hydroponics is the only agricultural activity at his party boy bachelor pad.

 

Your digs wreak my friends of more than just the sticky home grown kind bud.  Here’s the 4-1-1 or the 420 in your bachelor terms. All this makes you as touchable as a desert cactus.  You’re in the stay away zone. Fast forward four years and I believe you’ll still be in your stinky bachelor pad. There’s nothing about this situation that says you’re willing to leave single life or plant roots. Moreover, the signs point to your failure to commit.

 

Even, our Olympic hero, Michael Phelps knows that this type of foliage doesn’t bring home the gold with his official statement that the bong at 23-years-old was amateurish. “Despite the successes I have had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner that people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public – it will not happen again,” Phelps said.

 

There is a better way to go green. Think modern energy efficient, sub-zero appliances with a minimal carbon foot print. Imagine furnishings designed with organic textiles and sleek repurposed woods. Carpeting is one of two natural fibers like wool or textured sisal. 

 

Oh and speaking of your green thumb, there is always keeping house plants. It goes a long way in a budding relationship.

 

The better condition their in the more he’s trying,” John from Boston says.

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It’s Raining Men!

Clean Up Your Act!It’s raining men!

 

When it rains it pours they say; and never as much as when it comes to bad bachelor habits and the bathroom. Scrub-a–dub-dub singleton, it is time to clean up the act.

 

The ring in the tub for is not a silver lining on a black storm cloud. It is built up scum that should be immediately addressed. Furthermore, the shower since leaving college should not require footwear. Having lived in a ten man house in college, as one girl in nine, I learned all too well why most often the guys showered with shoes.

 

Don’t worry not every girl knows about the squeaky clean moment in the shower where you clean everything including the pipes. Still she has that intrinsic feeling that something about what a bachelor does in the bathroom downright stinks.

 

Say Amy of Seattle, “I feel like bachelor pads always have a weird stinky mildew smell in the bathroom. They just re-use towels over and over and never wash them.”

 

John from Boston agrees, “I’ll also confirm that if an item is not in the same room as the laundry bin, it doesn’t get laundered, read: dish towels as well as the above mentioned bath towels.” 

 

There is perhaps a way to keep your dirty little secret by updating your bath. Hydrotherapy showers bring the spa experience into the home.  Consider a walk-in with multiple showerheads, lined in rich materials like stone or teak.

 

Bathroom remodels are a giant leap indeed. It takes baby steps to get there that start with clean towels on the rack.  This could avoid a towel snap that creates a sting.

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Dead Head’s Digs

The Strange Single Trip

Truckin’ Through Life

Jack Straw from Wichita. He is the birkenstock wearing, Grateful Dead jamming, pot smoking hippie who takes the laid back approach to life. He doesn’t rush in. He’s one day at a time and summer can change to fall, to winter before you see a spring in his step. When faced with anything remotely challenging his gut reaction is to wait things out.

 

Jack lives in a time capsule with posters and tie-died Afghans tacked to his walls. Our bachelor Robbie calls the Bong additional decorative artwork. “It’s worth more than her designer Gucci purse.” 

 

Music is playing from a unique sound system jury rigged to play vaulted show tapes. The apartment is one-hundred degrees with no air conditioning and you can barley make out the music. It is drown out by the electric fans.  The whole place reeks like incense and Patchouli Oil since no one living here is showering. There is only place to sit. It’s a Papasan chair that right now the shaggy haired rescue mutt is curled up in.  Suffice to say this apartment is a month-to-month rent.

Papsan Chair

You need more than a miracle, if this how you still live.  Think of it like Jesus and the Catholics, Jerry died so you could live. Take advantage of the opportunity you’ve been given and change direction. Perhaps married and with children, you’ll back someday laughing at what a long strange trip it has been.

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She’s Sizing You Up!

Size Matters!She’s Sizing You Up!

Size matters! A UCLA study by doctors David Frederick and Letitia Anne Peplau in 2006 found the following, “Whereas 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s penis size, only 55% of men were satisfied with their penis size, 45% wanted to be larger.” Statistically speaking that means one in every two men wishes for the same enhancement awarded a girl who fully developed into a training bra.

 

Oh, if only it were as easy as plastic surgery and a new size cup! Instead Mr. Napoleon has to go out to battle every day.  In time he gathers weapons, a fast car, electronics and huge oversized furnishings. The living room is massive overstuffed sofa and television that is three seats wide.

 

“The entertainment system is Mecca and will be setup first and remain the only thing in the apartment that works consistently,” say that Robbie from California. “There will be numerous remote controls; their exact coordination and use are secret riddles only He shall know.”

 

Unless you really are the jolly green giant, there is no need for your apartment to look like you shopped and selectively purchased triple XL. I call it Little Cheney Syndrome drawn from similarities to the country’s 46th Vice President. The condition is an affiliation taunting the undersized man who tries to compensate for smallness by physically asserting material magnitude.

 

Come on guy, if the majority of girls surveyed don’t mind aren’t you bigger than that?

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